One of the classic images of therapy is the moment when we, eyes filled with tears, finally see that some painful thing has secretly been standing in our way. We realize that we don’t have to feel, think, or behave this way anymore. The relief is tremendous.
There is something profound about becoming aware of the hidden patterns in our lives, although it is most often a more gradual process.
What is unknown to us influences the choices we make much more than we realize. This can involve conflicting motivations, hidden hurt and longings, or other unrecognized dynamics. It can also involve simply not knowing about helpful insights into what helps people live lives of increased well-being, from knowing how relevant brain processes work to styles of communication that evoke empathy and intimacy.
Good therapy helps us understand ourselves at an ever deeper level, seeing more and more of how our experience is created and how we can creatively and resourcefully work with it. This is what lays the groundwork for growth, healing, and change.
One of the questions I frequently ask myself of clients is “what wants or needs to be known?” It is a powerful guidepost for the profound work of revealing hidden patterns and finding relief.